Soooo....I haven't posted anything in a really really REALLY long time...I am a bad person, I know.

But! I have good news! I know this is REALLY short notice, but I'm going to be in Kansas City Wednesday July 23rd through Monday July 28th. And I would really really REALLY love to see some of you guys. Of course, much of my vaca will be spent with my family, since I haven't seen my siblings in (literally) a year, but there's lots of hours in the day and I've got a pretty flexible schedule.

So! Here's hoping that some of you have flexible schedules, too, and we can manage to get some togetherness time while I'm there!! Comment or email me back and lemme know what's up. I miss you all!!!!

Go to the Wikipedia home page and click random article. That is your band's name.
Click random article again; that is your album name.
Click random article 15 more times; those are the tracks on your album



Band Name: The Rage in Placid Lake

Album Name: The Gnu

Tracks:
1. Dedicated to That Boy I Love
2. Jefferson Township
3. Harchester United
4. Nwaran
5. Schwabing
6. Oregon Route 38
7. Nagareyama
8. Mogersdorf
9. Maya
10. Ayodhya, The Finale
11. Coupatezia
12. Robert C. Richardson
13. Bob Baker Marionettes
14. Melgar de Fernamental
15. Alar Kotli


....Apparently, I have a New Age, techno-trance band-with a little bit of emo punk thrown in. ...Pretty damn cool.

What's your sexual style? Take the sexual style quiz for yourself!

The last time I saw my grandmother was a month ago. While to some, I know this seems like a long time, but for me, living halfway across the continent, it was just like yesterday.
For the past two years, I have come back home to Kansas City in mid-October for about a week. This is so I can see my friends and family that I have been apart from for the rest of the year.
This year, I made a particular effort to see my grandmother. Now I’m glad that I did.
The day I flew in, my mother and I went to the nursing home where she was living. She didn’t know that I was going to be there, but she was surprised and delighted to see me.
She remembered my name. She asked me about work, and why I’d cut my hair. She tried so very hard to converse with me without getting confused. I knew that she was so thrilled to see me that she wanted to talk about everything that had been happening in my life, how work was going, how I loved my job, if I had any more pictures. But, unsurprisingly, her body failed her. I could tell she was frustrated; how do you tell someone you love them if you can’t remember the words?
But it didn’t matter if she couldn’t say them. I hugged her before I left, and she held me just as tightly as she always did. I knew she loved me; she showed me more than her words could express.

I have no wise expressions or flowery words to say to you right now. So, instead, I leave you with a poem. A friend of mine who passed away from cancer ten years ago last month wrote it. To me, it says that, although we may grieve for someone we have lost, we are not mourning the life of the one who has left; no, instead, we mourn for ourselves, for the joy we will never know.

A Poem Written by John Beaven in the spring of 1997

Life was once so symmetric
Everything continuing on a fixed path
A pattern a rhythm, a fluid journey
Suddenly knocked off the steady road
The story changes abruptly,
Life becomes uncertain.
The pieces of the puzzle fitting perfectly together
Now scattered almost hopelessly
The soul now being tested,
Only faith keeping you alive.
A dark, frightful tunnel seems to forever run
But a light now beginning to yield the way
The burden now being lifted.
A weight on the shoulders eases its intensity
A ball and chain which kept you briefly helpless is released.
Life once again is back on the path,
The puzzle pieces now fitting together
The same pieces, but now a different picture.

Nana was a beautiful, strong woman, who became trapped in a shell of her former self. But now, her suffering, and the suffering of those around her have ended. She has been released, and we would do well to remember that she has released us as well.

I love you Nana. And I will miss you everyday. But as a friend of mine told me, now you can watch me perform from the best seats in the house.

My grandmother died yesterday. It wasn't unexpected; I'd been waiting for that call for months now.

Knowing it was coming doesn't make it any easier. She's the first one I've lost.

And I can't go home for the funeral.

Thank the Powers that Be for wonderful friends who will take you out and get you drunk.

Oh, the irony of life. How it amuses me. And slaps the shit out of me as well.

Vague, I know. Deal with it.

( Enneagram )

I did my best to please you
But my best was never good enough
Somehow you're only able to see
All I am not

Did you ever look behind
Aren't you afraid of the pieces you'll find
I have failed you
But you have failed me too

It's so easy to destroy and condemn
The ones you do not understand
Do you ever wonder if it's justified

It's so easy to destroy and condemn
The ones you do not understand
In your life why didn't you ever try

I close my eyes as I walk the thin line between love and hate
For the person with the same blood in his veins

You show no regrets
About all the things you did or said
I have failed you
But believe me you failed me too

It's so easy to destroy and condemn
The ones you do not understand
Do you ever wonder if it's justified

It's so easy to destroy and condemn
The ones you do not understand
In your life why didn't you ever try

It's so easy to destroy and condemn
The ones you do not understand
Do you ever wonder if it's justified

It's so easy to destroy and condemn
The ones you do not understand
Do you ever wonder if it's justified

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

I've had another poem published in the poetry.com anthology! Here's a copy for those of the literary inclination:

When Paradise Is Lost

Swirling, whirling,

In absence great,

The void where love

Has turned to hate.

Tribulations of lost souls,

Withered trees, and

Gaping holes.

Where demons play,

And angels scream,

And nightmares are

More real than dreams.

For light is dead,

Darkness abounds.

Silence pierced only by sounds

Of mourning wails and spiteful glee,

In the bleak monstrosity

Of Heaven spent in glum despair

That bliss no longer slumbers here.

Paradise lost,

Or so say some.

Where one sees the end,

The other’s begun.

 

It seems that there is a boy who is trying DESPERATELY to become Boy #5. Which would be fine, because he is rather good looking, but is oh-so-very NINETEEN. Which puts him very squarely outside the rules. Which I have made clear. But it's still very nice for my ego. 

I am so very very amused at life right now. I remembered why I hate dating. And why I won't be anytime soon. I remember my epiphany, and why I should never have forgotten it. (I'll probably be reposting it shortly.) I realized--again--why I love my job. Remembered why gay boys are SO freaking FUNNY. Made lots of new friends. Got to know some old ones better. Listened, learned, and by gods laughed my ass off. I should go to parties more often. 'Course, they're lots more fun when I actually KNOW most of the people there, but hey, gotta branch out sometime.

Thanksgiving Potlucks are the BOMB. I declared yesterday National Fat Kid Day because there was so much food and I wanted to eat ALL OF IT. I was not alone in my fat kid-ness either. It was great. And alcohol helps too, even though I didn't even feel it most of the night. But lots and lots of fun, and some VERY interesting conversations, which were also lots and lots of fun. AND, there's another party on Monday! I can't wait!

I miss you so much. Not being able to see you whenever I feel like it disheartens me. I miss having someone who understands that darkness doesn't always mean bad, and that sometimes it can be sweeter than the light. Getting to see you when I came in town was wonderful; it had been much too long. 

Happy Birthday. *bite*

"We can admire all we see, but we can only pick one."

Learn Chinese: Still single (not married)--"Mae yao jeh huan."

*bitter laugh* 

I'm sitting at home, by myself, waiting to go pick up Anne Marie from work, on my favorite holiday of the year, and I have NOTHING TO DO. I even had a really cute witch costume that I never got a chance to wear (because Snow White didn't go over very well.)

This SUCKS A LOT. 

It's okay. It's okay. It's really okay.

Thank you Lord and Lady, everything's okay. 

I'm really nervous about tomorrow. It's stupid. It's stupid, right? Yeah, it's stupid.

But I'm still really nervous. This could go very very badly, and that means the next six months could go very very badly.

I even considered getting up extra early tomorrow so I could be finished in Cosmo before anyone else got there. That's how freaked out I am.

But I tried to apologize, right? I know, I know, I shouldn't even had made the post in the first place. But I did, and it's too late to go back and fix it, so now I have to deal with the consequences.

Congratulations, Carlye, this is a new record even for you. This time, it didn't even take you a month to sabotage yourself. Wonderful job.

I'm a fool.