Golden Bear (eithne_star) wrote,
Golden Bear

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525,600 Minutes

And still no time to sleep. Woke up really early this morning to go with Mike to court--he had to take care of the ticket he got for expired tags and whatnot today. Didn't go so bad, waited for about 45 minutes, got one charge knocked off and had to pay the fines. Well, I paid the fines. He's supposed to pay me back. After that, went back to his house and passed out until about 2ish. Went to work, which was okay, except for the fact that I was still groggy. Mom nagged me about dinner, so I told her: I ate one mini cheese sandwich, two mini turkey sandwiches, two peaches, a donut and a sample of strawberry pie. See, I do eat. Anyway. Keep obsessing about Mike, and by association, Stephen. Wondering about how I really feel. I was so in love with Mike. Then I was so in love with Stephen. Now I think that while I cared very deeply about Stephen and may have been in love with him, if I wasn't just substituting for Mike. I don't know; when I'm with Mike, everything just feels like it snaps into place. Even just driving around in the car seems so right, somehow. The little voice in my head tells me this is the one. (And no, not the past life voice, although she pipes up from time to time.) I don't think I've ever been so positive of anything in my life before. So he's not perfect; I know that, neither am I. But I think we may just be perfect for each other. I know him better than anyone ever could, and he understands me more than anyone. He told me once that I was what made him invincible, what made him feel alive. I told him he was what made me feel safe. He's my Dark Bear. Nobody could ever compare to him. But, I have a big problem: my parents really don't like him. They've only met him a couple times, but I guess they think that he started everything that's made me the black sheep of the family. They're wrong. I know they're wrong. But if (okay, when) we get back together, I'm scared of what they'll do. I want my family to like my choice of partner. I want their support. But I'm afraid that if I really do go through with this like I think I will, they'll cut me off, somehow. I don't care about never making it big, or being rich, or stuff like that. But I need my family behind me. And if they're not...I don't know if I could take that. I love my family, and I know that they only want what's best for me. But can't they see that he makes me complete? All I want is for them to be happy for me. Mike is a wonderful person; I just don't know how to make them see that.

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