Golden Bear (eithne_star) wrote,
Golden Bear

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Kindle my heart...

"I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that? Didn't he?"

Nothing special today. In Pixie Hollow with Cara. Was supposed to work with Matt today too, but he went home after the first set. Cara and I did one set by ourselves and then the base pulled Lauren to hang with Rosetta. Nothing special today; cute kids mostly, but no spectacular ones. Loud noises and nonsensical conversations--just another day in Pixie Hollow with Tink and her friends!
Didn't hear from Tim until nearly seven. He sorta just stopped texting me last night, so I figured he was off today--if he wanted to talk to me, he could text me first. Guess that shows just where on his list of priorities I fall. He's barely sent five texts all day, the last to tell me he was playing poker at a bar. I wanted to see him tonight; I figured, neither of us have to get up early, that would be the perfect time, right? So why is it I'M always the one that suggests these things? Maybe I just need to become less available. Once he starts to realize I'm not always going to be around he won't be so inclined to take me for granted. Think I might send him a really ironic text before I go to bed about how I'm glad I got to talk to him all day or something like that...*sigh*
Instead, I came home and watched movies; was going to drink, but just never got around to it. Put in My Big Fat Greek Wedding first; reminds me of my family, just with the wrong nationality. Made me a little melancholy, like, am I ever going to be happy with someone like that? Kind of a meh feeling. Then I watched A Little Princess. I'd forgotten just how much I love that movie. It made me remember that I should always be kind, and forgiving, and how if I can still believe, there IS magic in the world, and if we try, we can see it. The part where Sarah is begging her father to remember her really got to me; I was incredibly choked up, and gasping. So unbelievably emotional. Made me think on my life, how I can be kinder to people, less judgmental, more accepting and less bitchy. I realized that I really DO want to live my life like that: caring and open, and believing with my whole heart and soul in the magic of the world. Something that is so hard to hold on to. I must have been projecting without knowing it, because my friend Adam V. IM'ed me, asking me if I was okay. (Adam is psychic.) He pretty much nailed it, too. Trying to lock it down. It's just...everything lately seems to make me think of Tim; songs on the radio, movies, colors, everything. He's in my head every second. When I'm with him, I couldn't be happier; nothing matters, except the fact that I'm with him, and he's with me. But on nights like this, when I'm all alone, when I've hardly talked to him, it makes me wonder just how deluded I really am. I think I think too much. I wish he was here, just to hold. *SIGH* How I detest loneliness.....
Off tomorrow. No real plans. We'll see.

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