Tim: I'm sorry...I fell asleep...=/
Me: *raises eyebrow* All day long??
Tim: No...what's wrong???
Me: You just stopped texting me this morning and I haven't heard from you since....I'm a little put out with you...
Me: You've been ignoring me all day and I am less than pleased...you know, if you DIDN'T want to hang out all you had to do was say so..
Tim: I'm sorry..it's not that I didn't wanna hang out...I ran my errands after day parade and fell asleep..
Me: Really? That's funny...I didn't know you could have comment wars on Facebook at someone else's house while you were asleep...don't lie to me!
Tim: I didn't wake up 2 minutes ago...
Me: Fine...you'd rather go hang out with Stev...regardless, a simple Hey I'm busy would have been nice..and don't just say you fell asleep when that's not true.
**Silence for 50 minutes**
Tim: My bed's still cold without you..=/..
Me: So is mine...I"m still upset with you...0=''''(
Tim: I'm sorry...love you...
Me: I love you too...It's just I expect you to treat me the way I treat you, and when that doesn't happen it hurts...
Tim: I'm sorry...I'm just being overly cautious...I know I don't need to be and I don't mean to do it...it's just instinctual...
Me: Overly cautious? I don't understand..overly cautious of what??
Tim: This love emotion....=/
Me: ........is it really that hard to love me?
Tim: No, that's not it....loving you isn't the hard part, that's the easiest..it's just the feeling of being in love.
Me: I still don't understand..how is loving me different than being in love??
Are you saying you're not in love with me???
Tim: That's not what I'm saying...you're thinking too deep into this...think about it on a not so big scale...I know I love you, that's not the problem..
Me: I'm still confused..what exactly IS the problem then>
Tim: It's not with you, so there's no need to worry..
Me: I know I know...I just want to understand what you're feeling...I want you to be happy...0='(
Tim: I know...
Tim: Don't worry, it'll all be good...I promise...
Me: ...okay...I'm gonna hold you to that promise...
There were a few more texts unrelated to that, and then I went to sleep.
Or TRIED to go to sleep, I should say. Kept tossing and turning all night. Got up at 7 for Castle Show. Texted Tim when I got to work hoping he was up, since we were working together today. Still kind of irritated with him. I mean, really, by now, you should know that ignoring me is never the best policy. Told him so and he was apologetic, like usual. Though I think he really does mean it; sometimes he just doesn't THINK before he does things.
Show was good. Nothing really spectacular, although I've been trying really hard to have a moment during every show. I don't know if it was because I was just happy to be working with Tim (yes, even after last night) or just because I was in a really good mood, but it felt like I laughed the entire day of shows. At least one thing would make me genuinely smile every time. I love days like today.
On our off time Tim and I were playing video games together. We like puzzles so we challenged each other at Sudoku (I won) and Scrabble (he won.) It was really a lot of fun playing games with each other like that. You know, it's just the simple things that make me happy.
One annoyance of the day: I've mentioned how EVERYONE seems to be getting engaged, and how EVERYONE seems to think it's there business what's going on with Tim and me. Well, today we worked with the Steves (Boutwell and Fabian). I can handle them one at a time, but together they just piss me off. The conversation inevitably turns to who I'm banging, who's banging me, how good is he, how good am I, what I would do, what I would let them do to me, as if my personal sex life is fodder for endless amounts of jokes and ridicule. Frankly, I'm sick of it. I may be one of the boys most of the time, but I'm NOT a boy, and it's disgusting. And none of their business. Now, their new favorite game is to start asking Tim when he's going to propose to me! It's one thing when Grant does it; he's our son, and we know he's joking (mostly.) When the Steves do it, they're doing it to be cruel, and I don't appreciate it. And honestly, it makes me really uncomfortable. Tim and I are not at a point in our relationship when I think that kind of conversation should be discussed, and while eventually, yes, I would like to be married, that doesn't mean NOW or even necessarily TO HIM. It worries me that all this talk about him getting me a ring along with everyone else getting engaged will make him think that's what *I* want, and it's not! It's okay, though, I told him that wasn't what it was, and that I didn't like the topic any more than he did. Glad we agreed on that.
Tim was finished after Show, but I still had to do Spectro. But wouldn't you know? Wonder of all wonders, there was still only ONE parade, and I got to STAY a Spare!! Hallelujah!! Sometimes everyone actually shows up to work!!! Little chilly tonight though, but bearable. Held Trilli's jacket for her, carried some heads, and that was the extent of my parade. Tim texted me at the end of it; he'd been at a bar with some friends and was drinking, and didn't want to sleep alone tonight. I tried to convince him to come over here, but he decided that he probably shouldn't drive that far and was going to stay there. Well, I still want to see him, so even though I'll have to get up earlier, I'm going over there. *grin* Have a good night! (I know I will.) *wink*