June 25th, 2004

Wendy-Bird

I'm living in the Twilight Zone

So, yesterday, about an hour or so after I posted, my day decided to take a nose dive from merely crappy to the lowest spiral of Hell. Both my parents swoop into the study where I'm sitting, reading a book, and tell me they're concerned and think I should get professional help. Well, this is unfortunately a subject that oft rears its ugly head in concern to me. It seemed to me that, yes, I've been depressed and antisocial lately, but I have a perfectly acceptable reason for being so. Then they proceed to tell me that, no, this isn't just in the past few weeks, but over the PAST SIX YEARS. I'm completely dumbfounded. Apparently, I'm in need of medical counseling because I don't like most people, I don't like dating (as in the going on dates part, not the actual relationship part) and I'm also mean and cruel and inconsiderate and judgmental, and numerous other qualities that I greatly took offense at. The situation quickly deteriorated into a shouting match, my parents both insisting I had to get help, and me shouting "NO" over and over. Finally they threatened to slap me with a court order to see a psychiatrist if I didn't cooperate. I told them that that was the only way I was going to go, and good luck with it, promptly storming out the door. I drove around for a while, talked to Stephen (which solved my former dilemma) and spent the night at Brooke, Mike, Kris and Kate's house. I am simply speechless. I was so absolutely livid that I couldn't even form articulate words; me, who gets incredibly verbose and elaborate when I'm pissed off. I cannot believe that my parents would actually do this. I mean, I consider myself to be a open-minded, friendly, caring, compassionate sort of person, and here they are telling me that I come off as exactly the opposite. Do I seem mean and impatient? Do I act like I have something seriously wrong with me? It's not like I don't get enjoyment out of life because I do. But I resent the implication that I need some pharmaceutical miracle to make me into a normal human being. I am doing just fine without having to take a pill every day. So depression runs in my family. Yes, I have chronic depression. That hasn't diminished my capacity to function in society. I'm glad that my parents love me enough to be concerned when they feel my welfare is being threatened. But by all that is holy and good, GET THE FUCK OFF MY BACK!!!
  • Current Music
    the grinding of my teeth
Wendy-Bird

I think I'll have a heart attack and die from not-surprise

Today, I was still absolutely pissed at my parents. My dad called a couple times last night after I'd gotten to everybody's house, but I didn't pick up. The only reason I went home today was to take a shower. My mom wrote me a note, basically about how she knows how I feel because she's been there before and she's sorry she made me upset. Well, I'm glad she's sorry, but she has no idea how I feel, because I'm NOT her. I don't feel the need for counseling or medical assistance. So I refuse to accept either. Didn't talk to her at all, except to tell her to get out of my room. Didn't see my dad all day either. Spent most of today trying to find something--anything--to keep me out of the house. Ended up just sitting in my car reading and listening to the radio, but that was better than going home. Stephen called me around 9am, on the way to the airport. Since the weather was getting bad in Chicago, his flight got bumped up, and he was leaving earlier than planned. I'm glad he called though. I already miss him, and I probably won't be able to communicate with him except by email until he gets back. Anyway, went to Mandy's apartment for a little before we left for rehearsal, beading her dress. Rehearsal time--not exciting. Josh didn't show up, so there was no music, hence no dancing. I was seriously disappointed. And really not impressed with the costumes this year either. All the girls' dresses, with the slight modifications of the Elemental faeries look exactly the same, with only variations in color and trim. The bodices are okay, but the skirts go down just past their knees, and are big and poufy, like petticoats. They all look frumpy. Granted, the Lady's bodice is pretty cool because it's got lots of beading on it, and the Elementals are a little different with skirts and bodice design, but all in all very monochrome. Boys aren't much better. Satyrs are good, but really, how many different ways can you do fuzzy pants? And Lone the Wolf looks pretty cool. But the rest? Pants with ragged bottoms, some sort of vest, and hints to particular character. Not exciting. My dress last year was ten times better, even if it doesn't fit anymore. Almost made me glad that I wasn't in the forest this year, sadly. Our Enchanted Forest was so much more vibrant and exciting, even just in rehearsal. I feel kind of sorry for them. Oh, well. Jim will figure out sooner or later that it's MY Forest, and always will be. (Unless of course Shannon decides to take it back, then it will be HER Forest.) Oh, yeah, and I got talked into doing a promo at Crown Center on Saturday. All day. Passing out grapes in a toga. Yippee. Anybody that's bored please come see me?
  • Current Music
    My Immortal by Evanescence