November 3rd, 2004



Okay. So I really haven't had a real update post since....Cast Party? Oy. Well, I'll just have to summarize since my brain doesn't retain that much detail.

Into the Woods
I was on costume crew for the show that just ended last week. It really wasn't that bad; I checked costumes out to performers, did hair and wigs, helped with changes, and checked costumes back in after the show. Somehow I also became the Fixit Queen, since every time something broke, I was the one who made it better. Other than the long stretches of having nothing to do, interspersed with burst of frantic activity, it was really pretty fun; I met people I probably wouldn't have met otherwise, and got to know some of the people I was acquainted with a little better.
The only real downside to being crew was watching all these talented young people express themselves in their craft and seeing the audience appreciate their skills while I'm standing backstage, my arms full of hoopskirts and dresses, wondering just what it was that made Rapunzel or Little Red better than me. After all, I tried out for this show too. And even though I've been taking my medication, it still made me really depressed and every night I would leave feeling like the ugly duckling who knows she can fly, but can never quite manage to get off the ground. I know there are always going to be actors or singers or dancers better than me. But I KNOW I'm an okay actor, and I KNOW I'm a decent dancer, and I KNOW I'm a damn good singer. All I want is for someone to give me a chance; cast me in a role--that actually has a name, or a solo, or some lines, for heavens' sake. Any role, I don't care. *sigh* See, now I'm just feeling inadequate as a whole person, and utterly despairing of ever performing in a meaningful manner. Oh, well. Everybody always needs chorus members.

Halloween Weekend

Drove in from Springfield after a couple hours of striking the Woods set--mostly pulling up staples and nails. It was actually a very pleasant drive--right up until I got to Antioch and 119th and realized...I FORGOT MY DRESS FOR SHANNON'S WEDDING!!! (Insert extreme moment of panic here.) So my mom and I spend nearly two hours looking for a substitute. Finally found one. And my daddy fixed my computer for me. I was going to tell them about the engagement, but...after the whole dress fiasco, and with my grandparents there, I pretty much chickened out. Went to SWade Manor for the Halloween party; pretty tame really, but still a lot of fun, mostly because I could hear people and it wasn't really crowded. Unfortunately, Don Quixote decided to show up in nothing but boots, a Don't Tread On Me flag...and a G-string. *convulsive shudder* NOT something I EVER wanted to see. Val was adorable in her little schoolgirl outfit--and she was so sweet, saying that she liked kissing me and I had a good butt! (The smallest things are such ego boosters sometimes.) Mike and Jason were creepy as Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum. C'mon, what did you expect? Everybody else just had a good time. Oh, and the Dragon Lady's mandarin dress was gorgeous. I was just a little tiger kitty. For a picture, see Berkie's journal.

Woke up much too early to go pick up my outfit from Mom, since she was hemming it. Glad I checked Shannon's website before I left--thought the wedding was at 10, but it was at 12. *headhand* Obviously, had a mushy brain. Killed time back at the Manor, went to wedding. Oh my Gods and Goddesses, it was the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen. The decorations were amazing, the music was fantastic, and the Bride was...simply radiant. Shannon, I have never seen you look so stunning or so happy before. You truly were a Faerie Queene that day. The ceremony was just absolutely perfect; it gave me oodles of ideas for my own ceremony (Shan, who wrote it, and can I have a copy?) Food was fabulous, company was wonderful, and the whole shebang was over much too soon.
Later, went shopping with the Manorites for the get-together, and got to babysit Marcel (Beth's sugar glider) the rest of the day. People came we laughed, and I got drunk...for the first time. It really wasn't that bad; I just slurred a little and got kind of woozy and dizzy. Not even a hangover the next day. I discovered that whiskey is okay with Cherry-Vanilla Dr.Pepper, I HATE straight vodka, but Bloody Marys are pretty good. Oh, yeah, and Marcel peed on me. That part was gross. But other than that, it was an altogether nearly perfect day.

Slept in, oh heavenly! Puttered around the Manor, went with Mike to his rehearsal, fell asleep on the couch and ended up being surrounded by three cats at one point. Watched a little TV, picked up my computer, and drove back to Springfield. Not exciting, but very calm.

Now I'm back at school, wishing I was still in KC, and beginning to freak out just a little at all the stuff I'm supposed to be doing. Mostly because I have absolutely NO self-motivation at the moment. It will all get done, I'm sure, I just don't want to do it right now. Right now, I need to get my balance back, and my head cleared, and a little while. Okay, I know that taking time to "find myself" in the middle of the semester is a bad idea. But I only need a day or two, since this weekend I have to finish my Tech project. Well, that's my life in a large nutshell. If I left something out, just ask, because I'm too tired to think about it anymore.
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