January 25th, 2005



Jeremiah died today, one year ago.

He loved the theatre, loved performing, loved designing, loved creating.

He offered to make me caramel macchiatos, and left random and wacky voicemails.

He was a funny Harem guard, and the best Romance Bandit ever. He even gave me a rose.

He always wore a little skull and crossbones earring. It never matched the other one.

He called me because he was concerned about his friend, and he thought I could help.

Sometimes he called me just to call me.

He drove a blue Cavalier. And it killed him.

The last time I saw him we went out to eat at Outback Steakhouse. We laughed and told stories, and had a rowdy good time.

I couldn't eat at Outback for months afterwards. Especially not the one in Independence.

I only knew him for five months, but in that time, he inspired me, changed me, and I wonder what he could have done with only a little more time.

Jeremiah Dawson Nail was my friend. And I miss him.
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Today is my grandmother's birthday.

I'm not even sure she remembers that.

Several years ago, she had a severe stroke. It left her unable to properly care for herself, damaged her memory and reasoning skills, short-circuited her vocabulary and short-term memory retention, and drastically altered her personality.

Sometimes I wonder if it would just be better for everyone if she could just peacefully pass on. She's never happy, and she wears my mother and grandfather to the bone with her constant complaints and tending. She gets her daughters and her grandchildren mixed up; she tries, but she can't even spell my name right anymore. She doesn't even recognize the man she's been married to for over fifty years. And sometimes, she doesn't even remember her own name.

It hurts to see the grandma I grew up with, and loved, to slowly fade away, one memory at a time. I don't want to lose her, but I hate to see her struggle for the smallest things, like carrying on a normal conversation. My family is suffering, but it's because we love her so very much.

Happy Birthday, Nana. I love you.
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