February 3rd, 2010

Disney Not the Only Dreamer

Kindle my heart...

"I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that? Didn't he?"

Nothing special today. In Pixie Hollow with Cara. Was supposed to work with Matt today too, but he went home after the first set. Cara and I did one set by ourselves and then the base pulled Lauren to hang with Rosetta. Nothing special today; cute kids mostly, but no spectacular ones. Loud noises and nonsensical conversations--just another day in Pixie Hollow with Tink and her friends!
Didn't hear from Tim until nearly seven. He sorta just stopped texting me last night, so I figured he was off today--if he wanted to talk to me, he could text me first. Guess that shows just where on his list of priorities I fall. He's barely sent five texts all day, the last to tell me he was playing poker at a bar. I wanted to see him tonight; I figured, neither of us have to get up early, that would be the perfect time, right? So why is it I'M always the one that suggests these things? Maybe I just need to become less available. Once he starts to realize I'm not always going to be around he won't be so inclined to take me for granted. Think I might send him a really ironic text before I go to bed about how I'm glad I got to talk to him all day or something like that...*sigh*
Instead, I came home and watched movies; was going to drink, but just never got around to it. Put in My Big Fat Greek Wedding first; reminds me of my family, just with the wrong nationality. Made me a little melancholy, like, am I ever going to be happy with someone like that? Kind of a meh feeling. Then I watched A Little Princess. I'd forgotten just how much I love that movie. It made me remember that I should always be kind, and forgiving, and how if I can still believe, there IS magic in the world, and if we try, we can see it. The part where Sarah is begging her father to remember her really got to me; I was incredibly choked up, and gasping. So unbelievably emotional. Made me think on my life, how I can be kinder to people, less judgmental, more accepting and less bitchy. I realized that I really DO want to live my life like that: caring and open, and believing with my whole heart and soul in the magic of the world. Something that is so hard to hold on to. I must have been projecting without knowing it, because my friend Adam V. IM'ed me, asking me if I was okay. (Adam is psychic.) He pretty much nailed it, too. Trying to lock it down. It's just...everything lately seems to make me think of Tim; songs on the radio, movies, colors, everything. He's in my head every second. When I'm with him, I couldn't be happier; nothing matters, except the fact that I'm with him, and he's with me. But on nights like this, when I'm all alone, when I've hardly talked to him, it makes me wonder just how deluded I really am. I think I think too much. I wish he was here, just to hold. *SIGH* How I detest loneliness.....
Off tomorrow. No real plans. We'll see.
  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely
Bill Lick

Drama and Dancing

So I did end up texting Tim at like 2:00am. It went like this:

Me: I'm really glad I got to talk to you so much today, it was so much fun... 0='''(

Tim: ....='''(

Me: Makes me feel like you really care...Especially when you want to hang out with me...I mean, we spend so much time together it's a wonder we get stuff done...

Tim:=''(

Me: I can tell you're really putting me at the top of your priority list...

Tim: I'm not even up there...

Me: What does that mean?

Tim: I'm just dumb...

Me: Yes...yes you are...

Tim: I'm sorry...

Me: Yeah, you always are...

Tim: I try not to be...

Me: And nothing ever seems to change...

Tim: Wish I was there or you were here...

Me: Then why aren't you here?

Tim: Cause my eyes are closing...=/ barely able to text...

Me: I'm sorry...but this time I'm not coming...

Tim: I know...I didn't ask you too...I wanna see you too but not tonight...

Me: Mmhmm...

Tim: You're off tomorrow...booo....

Me: Mmhmm....why boo?

Tim: Caussssseeeee...lol

Me: Sureeeeee...

Tim: Sureeeeeeeee

Me: Well it would be nice to know just when it is you would like to see me...I'm kinda over waiting by the phone...

Tim: I like seeing you everyday...

Me: I like seeing you everyday too...but I don't and you've hardly talked to me the last couple days...I just don't feel like you mean it sometimes...

Tim: I'm sorry...we need to hang out more..=/ I misses you...

Me: I miss you too...but I'm tired of always making the plans. If you want to see me, you say when and I'll tell you if I can..

Tim: Kkk...can we talk more tomorrow??? I'm losing it...

Me: Yeah...but you text me...

Tim: Oh I will baby...

Me: You better...get some sleep baby...

Tim: Kk..you too babe

Me: In a lil bit...sweet dreams monkey...

Tim: You too angel...

Day off!!! Nothing in particular to do, so I figured I might as well go shopping to spend money I don't have on things I don't need, haha. Wandered around the Mall at Millenia for 4 hours or so; didn't really find anything I had to have. Decided to go to the West Oaks Mall after that; my roomie Lara texted me asking if I wanted to go out, so I thought I would see if I could find some cute clubbing clothes.
Well...apparently there was some miscommunication about who was supposed to be texting whom, because Tim didn't text me until almost 4:30. I guess he thought I was going to text him, but I told him to text me...whatever. Unfortunately, by that time he was at work in an area that doesn't get cell phone reception, so I didn't really hear back from him until nearly 10. By that time, I'd already made plans to go to this club called Pulse with Lara. I invited him to come along, but he said he was exhausted. Well, too bad for you, I'M still going dancing!! No waiting by the phone for me!! Got to the club, had a couple drinks; not enough to get drunk, just enough to get a little tipsy. Decided to randomly text him because a song was playing that reminded me of him. (Big surprise, I know.) What WAS surprising was that he texted back; I thought he'd be passed out by then. Proceeded to text back and forth for the next 2 or 3 hours...during which I sent him dirty text messages and he ended up asking me to come over. *smirk* We left the club pretty late; Lara drove, and she was having a bit of drama with her girl. =/ On a positive note, I got hit on by at least 4 girls and 4 boys!! Whoo hoo me being sexy!! Got home around like 3ish; I changed, washed my face, and headed out for my booty call!! Yeah, that's right BOOTY CALL!!! HOLLER!!! He totally left the key out for me. *laughs* By the time I got there, though, he was sound asleep, and I scared the crap out of him when I sat down on the bed. I felt kinda bad, but it was freaking hysterical! Well....let's just say I didn't go to bed for a while after that....*GRIN*
  • Current Mood
    satisfied satisfied