April 25th, 2010

Bill Trapped

It's beginning to get to me...

It's a day. Still exhausted even after a three hour nap and seven hours of sleep last night. Nothing exciting at the Castle today. Only four more days left till the end of the casting. Mary Ann and Bridget stopped by the 4:15 show and made me nervous, and Aleigh came and took a few pictures of Wendy too. And Fantastmic! is finally finally FINALLY on my schedule!! Along with my first official Star Wars Weekends rehearsal. Went to hang out with Tim after work. Were gonna go see a movie or something but fell asleep and then got distracted by video games both times we were aiming for. Oh, well. We'll go see it another time. Luke kept texting me while I was there. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with it, but he gets all upset when I'm texting Tim when I'm with him, so I finally just told him who I was with. He kinda got all huffy about it, and then said we should stop because he was just going to get frustrated and I was going to get upset. He was pretty right, granted, but I just don't know how much more of this I can handle. Whenever I'm with Tim, things are fine and I'm happy. Whenever I'm with Luke, things are fine, and I'm happy. But whenever one of them gets started on the other, then it's all hell breaking loose. Strangely, it's Luke that keeps telling me that I need to talk to Tim, get a straight answer from him, realize that it's not going anywhere and end it. Tim may not like the fact that I'm hanging out with Luke, but he doesn't really say much about it. I know, I know, Tim's not treating me the way I deserve to be treated; I get that, really I do. But Luke telling me over and over isn't going to change anything until I'm ready to change it, and it's hurting his cause. Don't assume that you're going to be next in line. I like you, yes, but that is not a guarantee. *sigh* Why are boys so difficult? Trying to keep it all together, hang out with Luke, get a straight answer out of Tim...ayah. My head hurts. Time to go to sleep; Castle Show again tomorrow!!
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Bill Drama

Sometimes, a girl just needs some space...

Castle Show today. Was much better than yesterday for some reason; I felt much more awake and connected to my performance. Starting to get really hot, though there was a lovely breeze most of the day. Surprisingly with John again today, which is odd only in the fact that neither of us is usually there on Sundays. Good group of people today, though nothing terribly exciting happened. Luke stopped by to say hello as I was sitting in the cafeteria. He saw my status last night, which said, "Carlye just needs some space..." and figured he would give me some, even though he wasn't sure if that was what I meant. It was. But then again, I also saw HIS status, which said, "Sometimes it's just better to walk away" and I knew what THAT meant. I'm so frustrated with the whole situation. I know Luke would be better for me, but I'm in love with Tim. And I know Tim has the ability to be so wonderful for me. So what do I do? *sigh* There are no easy answers, but eventually, one will come to me. For right now, I will love as I wish, and ignore those who say I can't, or shouldn't. After work went with Chesney to see Carly's show, called "God Still Dreams of Eden." It was an interesting little musical; I liked the songs and the plot wasn't too far-fetched. Carly was great in it; I'd never heard her sing before and she's very good. She was even believable most of the time. Which is doubly impressive when you saw what she had to work with; horrid does not even begin to describe it: off-pitch, off accent, too many gestures, too many repetitive gestures...all in all, BAD. So kudos to her. Chesney dropped me off at my car and I came home; brewing Teacups again in the morning!
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