Golden Bear (eithne_star) wrote,
Golden Bear

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Today is my grandmother's birthday.

I'm not even sure she remembers that.

Several years ago, she had a severe stroke. It left her unable to properly care for herself, damaged her memory and reasoning skills, short-circuited her vocabulary and short-term memory retention, and drastically altered her personality.

Sometimes I wonder if it would just be better for everyone if she could just peacefully pass on. She's never happy, and she wears my mother and grandfather to the bone with her constant complaints and tending. She gets her daughters and her grandchildren mixed up; she tries, but she can't even spell my name right anymore. She doesn't even recognize the man she's been married to for over fifty years. And sometimes, she doesn't even remember her own name.

It hurts to see the grandma I grew up with, and loved, to slowly fade away, one memory at a time. I don't want to lose her, but I hate to see her struggle for the smallest things, like carrying on a normal conversation. My family is suffering, but it's because we love her so very much.

Happy Birthday, Nana. I love you.

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